Using a project-based methodology for making life changes is a more effective approach in my experience. The project mindset forces me to:
-
Define clear objectives.
-
State a timeframe or deadline.
-
Identify measurable metrics for progress.
This approach of compartmentalizing the change into a "project" and then taking ownership of it, for some psychological reason, makes it way more difficult to slip up and fail at creating the change. In essence, it's easier to apply the necessary discipline to a managed project than to trust myself to alter behavior - I don't know about you but my brain is very tricky at convincing me to stay in the comfort zone. But if my "project" dictates pushing the limits, then I remove the choice and steer it that way.
Objective: Clearly defining the objective removes the ambiguity. The more detailed the goal, the easier it is going to be able to tell when you succeed. If it is a big change, consider breaking it down into smaller projects or phases - each managed individually with clearly defined goals.
Example: I wanted to quit drinking coffee (well, I didn't WANT to but it was having adverse effects on me and in full disclosure, it was Lisa's idea/directive). So, I defined the project as "Do not consume coffee." (Really simple, really clear)
Timeline: Set a timeframe or deadline. In my coffee example, I used a timeframe because I wanted to go 30 days without coffee as opposed to 30 days to stop drinking coffee. I use a minimum of 30 days because it is well established that it takes roughly 21 days to make a new habit (by eliminating a habit I am technically creating a new habit - in this case replacing the actions that lead to me sipping a cup of coffee with ones that lead me to be doing something else). On a side note, if you're project is to eliminate a habit, define that "something else" up front - voids get filled one way or the other so better it be a conscious decision. I replaced my morning coffee ritual with tea.
Metrics: Additionally, measuring anything is better than measuring nothing. It is great if there are easily identifiable benchmarks to track your progress but for some changes they are either not clear or not easily measured. In these cases I'll write a log instead and either some measurable metrics will make themselves apparent during the project or the log itself acts as a status indicator. The coffee project was simple - did I drink coffee yes or no. I faltered twice during the project and the second time I felt like I was running the project into the ground, tightened the reigns and have not been tempted since. The Wing Chun Project is a little different in that I don't know enough about the art or my abilities to set metrics so I track hours training and practice until other metrics come to light.
Extras
I use the term "experiment" in place of "project" where it makes sense; especially in conversation. At a work project, I was in the routine of going down to the coffee shop with a group of guys. Instead of abruptly saying I don't drink coffee anymore and cutting out that habit, I said I was having some weird health issues and I was doing an experiment of cutting coffee for a month to see if they went away. Maybe I'm being too touchy feely here but there seems to be some social ostracizing that occurs when your life change is counter to the norm and how you present these changes can make all the difference with how people respond to you.
But if you can, don't share your project with anyone. This goes back to Derek Sivers TED Talk - watch it.
Don't make it too much work. Your method of tracking should be simple and not very time consuming. You want to feel good about your progress, not weighed down by the extra workload.
Once the objective is met and timeframe is complete, put it into maintenance mode and apply your project management focus on the next endeavor. 30 days without coffee and the habit was set. I didn't need to measure it anymore and accepted it as a life change and moved on. If I were still struggling, then it's a good time to go back to the beginning and recheck your premise. Maybe this is a change that you really didn't want to make or had unintended consequences or the benchmarks were lacking or deadline unrealistic - whatever it is, now is the time to reevaluate and possibly re-plan with the added knowledge and experience under your belt.
When you succeed, reward yourself. Give yourself incentives. Celebrate.
This process works best for me, especially after winging it fails. Tweak it to fit you.
A powerful technique to help you identify and tweak your life is to write your story up to this moment. Write it out in whatever manner is comfortable to you - whether in story mode or bullet list. The point is to list out your experiences, accomplishments, failures, highlights... whatever, just tell your entire story in a way that you can look at it and determine if you're living the life you want to be living. If you are, congratulations. If you're not, take stock and take action.
“A man's value to the community depends primarily on how far his feelings, thoughts, and actions are directed towards promoting the good of his fellows.” -Albert Einstein
